07.19.05 - 3:20 am . Ah, sweet nectar of life.

Haha! So get this: last time I posted, it was May, and I'd "finally gotten a job". Well, it is now July, and I haven't had a job for a month! Like I said before, the Pet Lodge wasn't that bad, but I honestly had too much crap going on to deal with it at the time. And now, for that matter.

This is my promised entry that will supposedly cover everything I've been doing in the past (has it only been) two months(?). I'll start from pretty much where I left off- graduation.

So I was driving to Monroe to catch the bus, stuck in the usual 522 afternoon traffic, and, of course, I fell asleep at the wheel. What an idiot. I hot this guy's really nice, classic car and kinda crunched up the back. He had run out of gas and was parked. Luckily, the cop gave me a ticket for "following too close" instead of "hitting a parked car", which normal people should only do when they're angry or drunk. So I'm getting checked for what my doctor calls "inappropriate sleeping", hahaha... I feel better now that I don't have to drive home feeling drowsy every day, though- it was always on the way home (between 2.30 and 4, same time I was headed out to graduation). I kinda broke down after the ceremony; I got really pissed at all the people taking pictures and threw all my crap on the floor (diploma included) and ran into the bathroom, only to cry into my mom's shoulder for about ten minutes, wishing I didn't have to say goodbye to everybody looking like an idiot. I didn't get to see Keith after that, either, which made me pretty depressed, too; I got over it by midnight, though, when I was learning how to play craps.

I'm gonna skip all the grad parties because they weren't that notable and go right on with Keith. He broke up with me. I'm kind of okay with it at this point. It was the day after out 14 month marker, June 20. Two days after He'd come out to my family graduation party and endured my family for a couple of hours like a true friend. I like knowing I've still got that in him, whatever I've lost. If you're reading this, but some strange freak of fate, I want you to know that I really value our relationship as friends, and hope that removing the romantic part isn't going to fuck it up too much. I have a feeling I'll get used to it more as I go off to college (where it was very, very hot last weekend...). My mom still gets that look or that tone of voice when I talk about Keith. "Who were you talking to?" "Keith." "Oh, reeeeeeeaaally?" Christ, I wish people would stop judging him because he hurt me a little. I'm the only one who fully appreciates how much more it would have hurt if he'd kept up false pretenses for a long time before telling me. I asked him for honesty when we first got together, and, reliably as ever, that's what I got. I'm very happy with that. Not that I don't fantasize he'll change his mind suddenly and realize he can't live without me and propose to me in that way he never told me how he was going to and go on about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and will I bear his children? but that's normal for such deep love like we had, and I'm used to it. I just keep it between my brain and my blog.

I've been dolling. That's why I haven't really blogged, because I've been dolling. Check out my new doll page, Flavored Pixels and join the contest if you like to doll, too; I'd really like to see some dolls other than my own inspired by the beauty that is Queen. I've made two so far, Killer Queen and Don't Stop Me, the latter which stuck me on the airplane on the way to Los Angeles and hasn't hit me again since... she made a good doll, though. She even shines!

Speaking of LA, I've been to Disneyland twice within the past two months. Keith bought me an Ewok, who I ended up christening "Schmorky", because Keith mentioned it and it was the only name thus far that had stuck. Schmorky is ver y soft, and his full-body hood is removeable. Disneyland, I have concluded, is, in fact, the happiest place on earth. I've wanted to turn to multiple small, crying children on occasion and say in my creepiest, most Mary-Poppinsy, Fraulein-Mariaish way, "You can't cry here: you're in the happiest place on earth!" Sadly, I didn't have the nerve, as each time parental units were present. I'd be with my kid, too.

On a strangely not-embarrassing note, my mom wants me to go on the pill. I'll admit, it was certainly odd to have my mother suggest any kind of contraceptive device, and she knew it because she rushed to make sure she wasn't suggesting I should sleep around or anything. I assured her that I'm definately a one-man woman, and that I'd probably go drown myself in the lake if I ever woke up to realize I'd just had a one-night stand. I'm weird that way. But I'm excited, because now I don't have to guess and anticipate my monthly female-issue, because I'll be in control (yes!). Ah, for a woman to be in control feels good.

Um... I saw a panda... and koalas, giraffes, elephants, rhinos, baby giraffes, elephants and rhinos, many species of gazelle and deer along with many of their children, lots of birds, really huge pollywogs, multiple varieties of primate... yeah, San Diego Zoo and the Wildlife Park rock. Oh, don't forget the lions, and the cheetah. And the African Grey who ruled at making cool noises. Never did see the Hyacinth Macaw I saw advertised so frequently, however. That was a bit of a letdown. Shamu got my Life of Pi wet, along with my jean jacket and only pair of pants, so I had to change at the airport into a skirt and deal without my jacket. Had a brief lost boarding pass scare, then realized I'd put it in my backpack with my cell phone.

Went to Wells last weekend, registered officially with Prof. Penniman, my music teacher (I've got two classes with him) who is super-rad. Died of heat and humidity a few times. Got assigned summer reading (Toni Morrison, doesn't it figure?), finished "Pi" (new favorite book, tops "Kavlier and Clay" by a fraction of a point), met a few new people, saw Rebecca, swam in my skort and b&w cami, which I proceeded to leave in the dryer from whence I assume they went home with either Rebecca or Stephanie and which I hope to get back come August. Didn't learn who my roommate was, housing guy (also cool) sending that out this Saturday. Went dorm room shopping. Bought squishy Richard Parker (my new favorite thing, I use RP to prop my HP on my legs when I read).

Ready for my two week break, then camp, which is also going to rock, then the Chrysalis weekend, which I really hope Rachel will go to. Oh, well, it'll happen if it happens. Kind of like my "What-are-you-and-Keith-going-to-do-when-you-go-to-college?" philosophy. "Whatever happens". I believe in a certain form of fate- that when I don't worry about something, it works out the way it's supposed to (some would say it's "left up to God"). Everything will be cool. I'll figure out what to do with my life. I'll find good study habits in my somewhere. I'll find a husband. I'll have babies. I'll have a dog. I'll live. It's good to know.

Oh, by the way, I did go to prom. I slept, and when i tell people that, they assume I didn't have a good time. I had a great time! It was mostly before the dance that I did, though. Dance itself was made for cuddling up on the bench of a semicircular cruise ship booth, hovering between sleep and listening to your friends' conversations. I had a good time. Our pictures are awesome.